Last week, we were all "treated" to a column by inveterate button-pusher Lewis J. Goldberg - editor of The Patriotist - on how to prevent terror. As with any such document, I found myself agreeing with some of it (for doubtlessly different reasons than Lewis), and just shaking my head at the sad and stupid Islamophobia that Mr. Goldberg cannot help but express.

Yes - Islamophobia: the unrational fear and/or hatred of Islam. Goldberg isn't the only columnist to be afflicted by this insidious problem, but something about the column really bothered me.

Yeah, okay, I live in the Middle East and have a healthy respect for Islam in spite of being an "idolater," but it wasn't just the stark offensiveness of his siege mentality against Islam as a whole. I guess it was the sheer waste space that the column represented.

If only Lewis would chuck his prejudices and see a little past the corner he's standing at, it might have been a good column. As it was, it just made me wonder what world he's living in, and why he can't use the same logic he lambastes liberals for apparently missing.

But if you want the job done right, I suppose there really is no substitute for doing it yourself. In that light, here's my hopefully more effective stab at the idea. Feel free to rend or tear to your heart's delight.

1. Focus on Realistic Expectations: In spite of all our rhetoric to the contrary, we have to face the fact that we will never completely eradicate terrorism. Never: not with guns, hugs nor cash. So long as someone, somewhere has a cause, the option to target civilians rather than, or along with, soldiers and "legitimate" targets will be there. And some will take it. There will always be Al-Qaedas, JDLs and psycho militia types. We will always be stared down by Bin Ladens, McVeighs and the like.

So let's not talk of eradicating terrorism through a War on Terror: we'll never stop fighting one, and it can only lead us into ruin in terms of our standing in the world, our civil rights and our true priorities as a nation. Let's talk instead of taking the necessary steps to lessen terrorism, or lessen its threat to Americans, either on or off her soil.

2. Make Our Policy Walk our Principled Talk: We love to point to ourselves as a nation of kind, caring people who value democracy, freedom and human rights. We also love to waggle our fingers at other nations who aren't, and don't. But it's shocking to see how many such nations tend to be propped up by American aid for one reason or another. Then we wonder why people in many developing countries want to burn our flag and wish us ill.?

So let's just put it down in stone: no more aid, material, money or know-how to countries whose regimes are less than savory, or aren't playing ball with the human rights thing. We'll offer them diplomatic overtures and engage in diplomacy with them to try and fix things with their neighbors, where applicable, but until we see a real change for the better - and heartfelt reform - then they can look to someone else for a handout.

And I say that as someone who, unlike Lewis, sees a real benefit in foreign aid. Consider it a down payment on the future: the lives we save through our help can build better tomorrows in their countries. But that help's got to go to the people who really need it, and not just banana dictators whose only good point is being anti-Communist to the point of monomania.

In that vein...

3. No More Undeclared Wars: I'll agree with Lewis on this one. We are turning ourselves into the global police and writing checks we can't cash. We may have the best military in the world, but that isn't an excuse to use it every time we have a beef with another country. The lives of our men and women in uniform is too precious to be thrown away on some battlefield in a fight we have no real stake in.

If we've got enough of a compelling reason to go after someone, then let's declare war and have a war. If it isn't worth going to war over, then let's not fire so much as a single bullet - except in self-defense - and leave the fighting to the people who are already engaged. When they've had enough, we can step in and offer diplomatic counsel, but they have to come to that realization on their own.

4. No More Aid to Israel (For the Time Being, Anyway): Lewis was correct in pointing out that our help to Israel is one of the biggest problems we have with the Dar al Islam. But Americans should also be wary of our throwing our money to an "ally" that routinely damages our security through spying, has attacked us in the past century and is really only a sham democracy. And where does Sharon get off saying that he controls America? Not in my lifetime.

European judeophobia and the Holocaust were inexcusable, and still are. But it's absolutely possible to be opposed to anti-Jewish bigotry and still be highly critical of Israel's increasingly bass-ackward policies towards Palestine. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is basically using the dead as a political weapon, and people like that are - quite frankly - scum.

So let's use that carrot and stick. When Israel up and gets herself some reasonable leaders - not the psychopath they have now or the sociopath waiting in the wings - then we can see about restarting their aid. But until then, we should drop them like a rock.

5. Beef up the INS - now The Immigration and Naturalization Service is an archaic relic from a bygone age. It takes applicants forever to get processed, and - as we've seen since 9/11 - there is little or no follow-through on behalf of the agency, itself. Foreign students aren't where they're supposed to be. People overstay their visa all the time. And as for enforcement... forget it.

This needs to change. We need to fingerprint and put a make on everyone who comes in - not just Muslims from countries that sponsor terrorism. We need to spot-check where our visitors are both frequently and unexpectedly. We need to require them to be a lot more prompt about checking in. And if they aren't where they say they're going to be, or aren't doing what they said they were going to be doing, they need to either come up with a good explanation or be put on a plane.

Now, I am not one of those right-wing ninnies opposed to immigration. When space permits, I am fully in favor of opening our doors to anyone who wants to come over: We are the golden door, after all. Anyone who says otherwise is either forgetting that - save for the native Americans - we are all the descendents of immigrants.

But being here as a guest is a privilege. When a guest abuses his host's house, he needs to be shown out of that golden door. And to do this, we need an agency that can control that door a lot more effectively than it has in the past.

I don't know what all needs to be done to turn the INS into a fully functioning body, but while we're restructuring our nation's intelligence agencies to fit into Tom Ridge's suit pocket, we should spare some thought to restructuring the INS, as well.

6. No Open Border with Anyone: Bush needs his head examined if, especially in the wake of 9/11, he thinks having a looser border with Mexico is a good idea. We might have upped security in our own country's airports, but what's to stop Al-Queda - or anyone else who wishes us harm - from flying into Mexico City and then sneaking across the border? Or popping into anywhere in South or Central America and hopping north, for that matter?

I feel sorry for impoverished Mexicans. I can fully understand their reasons for wanting to slip over the border to make cash they can't get back home. Hell, if I was in their shoes I might be slipping over that border, myself. But a bad economy and poor job opportunities are problems that Mexico has to solve for herself, and we'd be better off offering some ideas on how to do that, rather than making it even more easy to come over than ever before.

7. Encourage Muslims to Visit, Work and Stay: People who say otherwise have it all wrong. We should beef up our security, of course, and be very wary of those who have suspicious allies and checkered pasts. But for the average Muslim, who just wants to go to school, work or immigrate and raise a family, we should welcome them with the same open arms we extend to all others.

Why? Because modern society is a mental virus - what you might call a "Meme" - and it's highly catching. We are all influenced, to an extent, by the people we live near and with, and the society we're living in. While that influence can't really get us to do things that go beyond our normal code of ethics (unless you're a spineless wimp) it does, over time, have a way of beveling off corners, sanding down sharp edges and eventually - one fine day - turning you into your neighbors.

So people who come here to go to school will take their new viewpoints back home with them, and spread them around. People who come here to work will take their new ideas back home with them, and use them to get ahead. And as for the people who stay here and raise kids. well. give them a few generations and they'll be highly secularized. Jeans and soda-pop beat out the old country all the time.

On a more amusing note: by opening Muslims with open arms, we spit in the face of those who say that America hates Islam. We have no reason to hate or fear Islam itself - simply those bastards who use Islam, or any other religion or philosophy, to kill and maim innocents to make some kind of point. Often times, the same people cheering on the bastards are the ones who claim we hate Islam. And any day we can prove those spiteful idjits wrong is a good day, indeed.

8. Promote Gun Ownership and Provide Emergency Training: During World War II, the Japanese weren't looking forward to the idea of having to invade the American mainland. They knew that, unlike other conquests they'd enjoyed, there would be guns hiding behind every rock and tree. They might have ruled the Pacific for a short season - before our own forces beat them back - but they would have been creamed if they tried to come onto the shores.

Some people think outlawing guns would make society safer, but it wouldn't. It would just take away a line of defense that the average, ordinary Joe and Jane were granted by the Founding Fathers. That gun isn't just to shoot rats and ducks - it's there in case all else fails, and you need to have the ability to save your own life against an armed or unarmed attacker. And if, Goddess forbid, there were ever a national emergency sparked by some sort of terrorist attack, having a gun might make all the difference in living through that emergency.

To that end, let's stop stigmatizing those who own handguns, or any other form of reasonable self-protection or weapons (combat weaponry should still be illegal, though). Let's promote it.

And let's also have our government offer free classes to interested citizens who want to learn how to survive in case of a severe emergency. Anyone who went into Scouting probably learned how to eat dandelions and make a lean-to, but what do you do when it's winter? Information like that would be vital to preserving life if all else failed.

9. Stop Being Ignorant: Terrorism works best when the victims are afraid of the terrorists. Fear thrives when the victims have no idea what's going on. Conversely, understanding what's going on, and seeing what you're really up against, are the best ways to defeat a great deal of that fear.

Unfortunately, a lot of the public discourse since 9/11 has seen a lot of heat, but little light. Inveterate Islamophobes have been given a new opportunity to vent their hatred and fear of all things Muslim, and have been given a new audience. Attempts to explain what's really going on fall by the wayside, and are supplanted by easy answers, willful distortions and angry rhetoric that does no one any good at all.

Don't let yourself be led down the path by "terrorism experts" and their ilk. Don't take what you read on the Net or see on TV at face value. If the answers seem too glib and too well-choreographed, it's probably because they are. Don't forget that some of the people trying to march us off to a war of Civilizations are salivating over the idea of seeing Armageddon in their own lifetime. And always remember to look at things in their proper context: if you think some of the lines from the Noble Qu'ran are scary, you should read the Old Testament a little closer...

In short - take a deep breath and think. If you resort to panic, fear, hatred and the urge to nuke everything from Tripoli to Karachi, then you really are letting the terrorists win.

Okay - so Lewis had ten ways and I have only nine. But nine is the number of beginnings, and I hope this begins something... other than the obvious response from Mr. Goldberg.

Play on!

"The fact that nothing that makes any sense has been tried at any time since the attacks lends credence to the various conspiracy theories floating around out there. The decisions being made at the highest levels are for someone's idea of a good reason, certainly. They never share those reasons with the rest of us. Maybe we wouldn't sit still if we knew." - Lewis J. Goldberg, from his "REAL Terror Prevention" column.